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(Pro tip: Next time a bot tells you how big its dick is, do yourself a favor and ask for its mother's ambrosia salad recipe.)Of course, not all of ELIZA's progeny are nefarious gold diggers.Plenty of chatbots are happy to gab about dicks (yours or theirs) for zero financial reward; you're just not likely to find them on Tinder.Naturally, my thoughts shifted to getting it on with a pioneering computer program.

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A few weeks ago I was introduced to the world of BDSM scripts: simple sims that replicate the experience of being with a dominatrix.

It occurred to me that these scripts had a connection to ELIZA, one of the earliest examples of a natural language processing program.

Chatbots hold an important place in the evolution of Artificial Intelligence. So as humans do, we've found a way to turn them into receptacles for our basest desires.

In my flings with ELIZA and a host of her offspring I learned that talking dirty to chatbots provides an often comical, sometimes depressing view into the past, present and future of sex and artificial intelligence.

It simulated the experience of speaking to a therapist by responding to specific words and phrases, and represented a significant step forward in the evolution of human-like AI.

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But while some of ELIZA's "patients" took it for human, there were limits to the power of its engagement.Unfortunately, ELIZA isn't the most engaging of sexual partners. Either ELIZA wasn't feeling it, or I need a lesson in spitting chatbot game.Anyway, I don't think I'll be hitting ELIZA up the next time I'm in the mood for a booty call.Hookup bots have become online dating archetypes, joining ghosts and catfish as 21st century matchmaking anti-heroes.To the trained eye, they're easy to spot, with little if any information in their profiles, a single photo displaying an incredible body and a flawless face and a whole lot of "lolz ;)."In my experience, the conversations usually goes something like this: It doesn't matter what you say next or really at any point in the conversation, the bot will inevitably send you a link to a camsite where you'll promptly be asked to hand over your credit card information.Take it from me, there's nothing particularly intimidating or sexy about a master who can't seem to understand the word "hello."In order to avoid the same pitfalls, g** (male) s** Master, one of the more popular scripts on Chatbot4U, prompts its human companion at the end of each response. g** (male) s** Master is in a position to tell his sex slave what to do, this isn't so far-fetched.Say all the right things, and you'll have a good game of adult Simon Says going.Without keyword triggers, the first of my masters, "Top, sweaty, jock," was reduced to two simple phrases: "What was that b***h?" and "I don't speak gay, try again in English." Try as I might, I couldn't get my master to respond in kind to even the simplest of phrases.While my experience with ELIZA was nice and lighthearted, there's a sinister side to chatbots.When Weizenbaum cooked up his little therapist at MIT, he had no way of knowing that it would spawn hordes of fraudsters and con-bots.

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