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“Those of us Anxious people tend to really, really yearn for complete bonding and closeness with another person,” Duana says, “but we’re so worried that the other person is not into us or that the other person is going to abandon us, that ironically, some people with this style actually do the number one thing that social science indicates get you abandoned: they find a backup partner.
And then there are the Avoidant people.” (Incidentally, women are more likely to be Anxious; men are more likely to be Avoidant.) Behavioral markers of an Avoidant might typically include getting up and leaving immediately after sex (even within marriage), avoiding emotional discussions, avoiding physical intimacy except for sexual intercourse, having sex in such a way that it’s very perfunctory and avoids eye contact. “I knew a guy who was extremely Avoidant,” says Duana, “who did get married, but insisted on taking separate vacations from his mate and actually got a vasectomy without telling her.” Style C people fall into the Avoidant/Fearful camp.
I am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me.
I don’t often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.
He’ll tell you the only reason he’s still alive and kicking is because of his ability to talk his way into (and out of) just about any type of situation.
Here at The Art of Charm, Jordan shares that experience, and the system borne as a result, with students and clients.