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She may accuse you of lying, see it as evidence that you've never really supported her relationship with him, or simply be so ashamed she can't face you anymore for what you come to represent to her.If the truth comes out later, she may not want to face you and feel the embarrassment of an "I told you so," and if she decides to stay, she may feel like she can never talk about it with you.
Even if she leaves him eventually, she will heal better if people around her aren't devaluing him or feeding her anger. If she's defending him (or herself, since we all want to believe that we chose the perfect person, are worthy of their love and have a great marriage), you are at risk for being seen as the threat.
At her very healthiest, she would be able to separate you from the message, but when we're scared, we don't always react rationally.
), when she makes it, or how; let her know that you will fully support her and journey with her in any direction. Even when we know our mom is impossible, we don't want someone else to say it.
And you'll support her if she changes her mind down the road, too. Even when we know our children are trouble-makers, we don't want everyone else to think less of them.
Even if she reacts with anger toward him, tell her you understand the feelings, but don't agree with her or express your own opinion.
What he did was a hurtful thing, but he is not a bad man.
Every friendship is different, every marriage is different and every affair is different.
There is no one answer to the question that will fit everyone, all the time.
What you are feeling is nothing compared to what she will feel.
Your feelings are big and scary, but if you're thinking of confessing the truth so that you feel better -- that is the worst reason to do so.