She can still get around with a walker but she won't.We gave up our lives for her and now to put her in a home Medicare will take the house we are just ready to let that happen and get our lives back our lives are a living hell with her she is mean and nasty with me which now I have cameras up to show her son the evil mother he has.Her toenails are now 3-4 inches long - she yells and screams if I ever suggest getting a professional pedicure.
She's always been an abusive, nasty, hateful person and the dementia makes it worse. I'm 53 taking care of my 90 yr old mother 19 years total with 5 being harder each year. Guilt feeling the way I do used to shrug it off saying it's not that bad but it is. Work all day to commute home to the same thing over and over.
Honestly I wish she would just die and completely release me from dealing w/ her. Weekends are a challenge all day long dealing with the repetition.
Grandma ALWAYS comes first - everyone else's feelings do not matter.
Grandma sits in bed all day and, for months now, has refused to take a shower or trim her toenails.
I am not at a lack of compassion or empathy - I have been an RN for 35 years. When someone is old and increasingly helpless, they aren't that different that infants. I'm a grown up and the process was no walk in the park. When a parent or in my case in law makes your life a living hell its very hard.
Yes - I am burned out and resentful with caring for my Mom of 92 years. And my mom sure as hell wouldn't be caring for me if I were dependent at home after 30 years. I agree with that statement I’ve been doing this for a ungrateful narcissist mind you there was plenty of help but she has thrown everybody out her choice so now it’s our CHOICE to put her in assisted living. I'm sure you had a lot to deal with - it's obvious you still haven't dealt with it fully. In my case she had a stroke she has recovered she can walk. They are stubborn and care less about peoples around them. I feel like I am taking care of nasty children Even if you treat them well they still manage to badmouth you.I have always taken care of her as had my late sister. Dear Anonymous, Nowhere in my post did I say I had an idyllic life.I am so stressed out that I feel myself sinking every day. I chose to rain single and without child - I never felt that I was "mom" material - quite at a loss of nurturing growing up. But for better or worse, I had a responsibility and a moral imperative to do the right thing no matter what. There are people out there who can help and there's zero shame in asking for help.I cannot tell you how much money I have spent on my mother.To make matters worse, my mother has always had a narcissistic personality. Admitting these thoughts makes me feel like a monster... When I try to tell them I need a break all I hear is "I don't know what your problem is. We'd take her in a minute but she wants to be with you." My response "please, oh please do. At least for a while." I don't like this person I've become. The worst thing, the thing that eats me with guilt - there are days I wish God would take her home to heaven so I don't have to do this anymore.There's a difference between a couple years of helping your aging parent who is physically deteriorating, but still has a kind heart and 5 years of a narcissistic parent who's abusive verbally and physically. They care for your loved one so that when you visit them you can actually visit instead of moving around an adult, feeding, bathing, and changing their diaper and then your exhausted and don't want to chat or visit. and you're in your 50's or 60's trust me, most people will do it ONCE and that'll be enough to put them in a nursing home. When your elbow deep in poop and maybe even vomit, and they are yelling at you and putting you down all the while that you are busting your ass to help them...people would do it ONCE, and never again. I even know better than to throw my life away to that.If your adult parent is verbally abusive and/or combative and you've been taking care of them and wiping their ass for more than 2 years, then you're a fool. It is so mentally and physically taxing that you just want to go home and collapse. I've always hated my mother and as an only child, I am stuck.by Ruth (Virginia) My mom (90) has lived with me (50) and my family for 6 months each year for 15 years then a 1 1/2 years ago she moved in for good. She was living alone and and had become so sick I didn't think she would live. She had a stroke she is 83 and she has made a recovery but she refuses to walk she sits all day in wheelchair the little help I had is gone thanks to her. I don't even know this angry, frustrated, and burned out woman I see in the mirror. I agree with a lot this comments aging parents who are sick are living way to long I also take care of a narcissist mother in law she is capable of walking and doing for herself.