This page is made up of the following sections: One of the questions which often comes up in relationship work involves how available people are for a healthy relationship.
Another form of perfection, the ‘ideal mate list’ is usually something that nobody can live up to, and is a convenient way to brush off connecting with others by claiming ‘I am sure of what I want and you just aren’t it.’ So you will pick someone who is emotionally unavailable (already taken, not looking for love, still hung up on someone else).
The verb ‘intimate’ translates as ‘ And intimacy is increasingly shown by psychological studies to be a very important part of modern life. Behind a fear of intimacy is a fear of facing up to yourself and what you perceive (erroneously) as your weaknesses.
An intimacy-phobic person fears others getting close because they would then see these apparent ‘flaws’, which can be feelings of sadness, anger, shame and grief.
So always being forcefully upbeat is often a tactic to hide parts of ourselves and avoid deep connection.
This habit of deflecting any focus away from yourself might see you come across as a ‘real friend’.