TNman - I know your feeling exactly - I see dating as a way to move on - to see if my feelings for my stbxw are real or just my memories.
I'm in IC and my counsellor thinks I need to find out what "normal" is - or what the new normal is.
It doesn't matter though - I am at a stage where I cannot be attracted to my stbxw in her current form. Oh, and if your wife asks, of course you are dating.
Here is the problem: As a part of my New Year's resolutions (to start dating in 2013), I joined a on-line dating service just before Christmas. Part of me actually feels guilty - as if I am cheating. Clearly my old marriage is dead, yet I cannot let go of the feeling of being married. Also have to admit that after 27 years of being monogamous - the prospect of "dating" is a very strange feeling. And I can't think of any reason to tell your kids anything.
In addition, I suspect that her toxic friends are continuing to introduce younger (12 - 15 years younger) men to her at clubs (my stbxw was like a project for them - she was the only one of her group still married).
It doesn't matter though - I am at a stage where I cannot be attracted to my stbxw in her current form.
Don't be worried about the conversation, you have already established that you have stuff in common and are mutually attracted. Honestly, my hesitation is a combination of guilt (why I should feel guilty is beyond me, but I do), fear of the unknown (dating after 27 years qualifies as "unknown") - basically all of the above. It is merely getting together with someone you have never met in person before. At this point, I think you are making this one person into a LOT more than what she really is.
Be honest, completely honest, it will serve you well. I'm thinking it's more FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN than actual love for your cheating spouse. I think I will just take is slowly and see what happens. You will have to see if you even like the person or not.
You know, when I split with my ex, I was in no hurry to get back into the dating scene.
You need time to get over what happened - anything you get into right now would be a rebound relationship.