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In almost twenty years of counseling men and women about relationship issues, I have identified a handful of expectations that screw up relationships time and again.“I will be happy once I am officially in a relationship.” If only romantic relationships were enough to make us feel happy and complete!If sexual affection is your priority, you need to make sure that this is also a priority for your partner. ) In terms of physical affection, many men and women aren’t extremely affectionate.
In the absence of actual experience with new partners, it is easy for people to see their new partners as possessing ideal characteristics and sharing similar beliefs and values.
This tendency to idealize new partners, combined with the thrilling prospect of sex with a new partner makes new dating relationships very intense and exciting.
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What behaviors do I want my new partner to engage in? Bottom line: Tell your partner from the beginning what you need from the relationship, and be specific! Seth is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, Psychology Today blogger, and TV guest expert.
He practices in Los Angeles and treats a wide range of issues and disorders and specializes in relationships, parenting, and addiction.If these things are a necessity for you, be clear about your expectations from the start!The takeaway Unrealistic expectations are poisonous to relationships.It is totally understandable to want to believe that finding a relationship will provide you with whatever you’ve been missing, but the truth is that a good relationship will add to – but not complete – your life overall.“My new partner will want to spend all of their time off from work with me.” Although the idea of living a we-do-everything-together life may sound appealing to some, having this expectation may lead to frustration later.What happens when you have expectations that don’t get met?You get unhappy and think about ending the relationship.The passage of time reveals partners' characteristics more objectively.The idealization of early dating and the thrill of early sexual relations tend to wear off as people come to know each other better.(Note: This kind of independence is often the secret to long-lasting marriages.) “Once we’re officially a couple, my new partner will only flirt with me.” You probably accept that your new date will be attracted to others besides you, but what about flirting?Do you expect that to end altogether once the two of you are in a relationship?