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But it’s these nonverbal cues that pose the biggest challenge for the dating Aspergian.Rachel Canis, who runs Chicago’s Best Foot Forward dating service (and who gains extra insight from raising a 10-year-old daughter with Asperger’s), recalls trying to freshen up the image of one middle-aged Aspergian woman who “thought wearing makeup was false advertising.” Hendrickx cites a typically solemn query from an Aspergian: “Why are dead plants [i.e., cut flowers] a sign of love?(Whereas I myself always start off by, just, you know, liking the beat.) And an Aspergian sees that “romantic” Canna lily bouquet you’ve just delivered as a handful of dead plants, while an NT sees an expression of affection instead.
As for Aspergian women, “I’d say that we obsess about our special interests, and if that happens to be a man, we’ll obsess about him indefinitely and to the exclusion of all other things,” says Simone.
To me, the most striking thing about people on the autism spectrum is their way of experiencing the world.
People with Asperger’s syndrome are generally socially awkward; they often avoid eye contact and have a tendency to monologue about their particular interests instead of sharing conversations with others.
I have a son with Asperger’s, and have known many other people that have been diagnosed with it.
Aspergian men who are dating often need to be told point-blank to dial back on their obsessions in order to better interact with a love interest.
“I often persuade [Asperger’s clients] to do research on a subject their partner is interested in,” says Canis.For example, my son is currently teaching himself Quechua — the language of the Incas.When I see him bent over his bilingual dictionary, I think, “He might become one of those brilliant people who can decipher ancient languages someday. ” But then he moseys out of his room, and goes on... polysynthesis and morphemes (I vaguely gather that these have something to do with linguistics) — well, after 15 minutes of this, I can feel like my head’s about to explode.Do not call a man 14 times a night to see what he’s doing, for example.Or if he doesn’t call it doesn’t mean he is dead or that he doesn’t love you.”An Aspergian woman’s desire for affection, combined with the natural difficulty in reading nonverbal cues, can make her especially vulnerable, says Simone: “[H]elp her to see if she is not being treated right.We can have poor judgment on that.” But each Aspergian woman also has her own unique charm, and wit: “We don’t have the usual gender-specific interests.An Aspergirl is not going to have margarita nights with friends to watch Often, this is actually a great idea for Aspergians who are looking to make a love connection.They are often, but not always, also highly intelligent — and the vast majority of them are men.Oh, and their sense of humor tends to be a bit droll; much like the young wizards-in-training at Hogwarts might refer to ordinary humans as “Muggles,” many Aspergians refer to non-Aspergians as “NTs” (for “neurotypicals”).Other common traits include: physical awkwardness and a dislike of loud sounds — in other words, most people diagnosed with Asperger’s aren’t big rock music fans.Sensory issues, such as disliking specific fabrics or types of clothes, helps explain the peculiar fashion sense particular to many Aspergians.